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you'd better put your feet on the ground and see what it's all about
Jul. 5th, 2009 | 09:28 pm
location: home
mood: 
thoughtful
listening: Shakira - Don't Bother
Not having a particularly nice evening, I've to say. Been thinking too much once again. Thinking's mostly a pain in the arse, it is.
Plus, I'm increasingly nervous. Suppose none of you has to ask why. When it's additionally one of those, these days quite rare, nights when my philosophical side takes over, it's not a pretty sight.
Firstly, I've yet again had to make myself clear on the matter of why, in fact, am I going to the army.
Well, let's get one thing straight at least. No matter what Lempi or some other old clueless hag or some flimsy superficial semi-friend thinks, I'm not going to Kajaani to, like, show off or get fit or get myself a goddamn man. (Or a woman, for that matter - some seem to be doing that, as well.) I'm going there because, well, sure, I want to see where my limits really are, and I'm sure it will be a most educational and hardening experience and help me grow as a person, but also because it's simply a way to give my contribution. Oh, granted, people keep saying that there's no war coming on or anything like that, but mostly, those are the same people that - in my most honest opinion (which I, thankfully, can freely proclaim in here), quite naïvely - think that the (Finnish) army's one and only sole purpose is to teach people how to kill other people. Because, honestly.
Firstly, (semi-)compulsory military service is Finland's only reasonable form of accomplishing national defence - like numerous people more knowledgeable on the matter than myself have said, a mercenary army is not an option for us. Secondly, it's not even near like the army didn't teach anything else than how to kill. Like, what about enduring hard stuff and getting something of a backbone, and knowing something in general about technical stuff, and learning teamwork and multi-tasking, and yes I guess learning some general stuff about weapons as well? I'm ready to leave all guns be and become a peace hippie the moment Lennon's imaginary world comes and everyone else on the planet haven't got any ammo either. Before that happens, I'll be glad to know as much about warfare and protecting what is dear to me as does anyone that's a potential threath to those. So there. Call me a militarist and a brute and a patriot. I am not much any of those; or, maybe as much of the last as the next person.
Not to digress... So, better yet are the people who appeal to my conscience on the matter; "under the imaginary circumstance that a war was to break out, how can you go and actually kill another human being? How can you do it?" First I simply answer, "with my Rk 62, of course," but the serious answer I usually give goes somewhat like this. Naturally I have yet to shoot an actual gun, not to mention getting myself in a situation where I would potentially have to harm someone with it - and heaven forbid I hope I never have to find myself in a spot like that - but I've got a philosophy about it. What I usually say to the people who point out the (far-fetched) prospect of actually having to kill another person - "and think about his (possible) wife and kids, too!" - is this. The reason why I suppose I could take someone's life - and get traumatised, guilty, and damaged as a result - is because that way I'd prevent them from taking the lives of my brothers-in-arms, and their wives and children, and probably the lives of other people I, and the inquirer love in the home front, as well. Put that way, it seems damn fair to me, at least.
Where another problem enter is that I did a political orientation test online. The result was as expected, but it made me think even more than I already had. My head actually hurts... not from the thinking (:D), I suppose, though, but from the... dunno... getting bothered about stuff and all. Because, arrgh. It's the very usual and clichéd "where is this world coming to?" issue. Because where is it coming to, really! It all interlaced with my military musings, and I ended up actually questioning myself: Why do I want go further than most of my gender and age to protect a country that is led by people that I didn't vote for, and that is going toward a direction almost entirely contrary to the direction I would want it to go? Because it is a damn good question. And it's not even the first time the thought has crossed my mind. This is one more reason why I think I was born in the wrong time, but let's not go into that now, or else this will turn out the craziest post since the beginning of time, or LJ.
Well the answer is quite obvious, and I already answered this question earlier, really. I may not like the political state we're in. I may present the almost exactly opposite political opinion than the people that run this country (or run it for the remaining time until 2011). But well, it's not like I'm only going to be trained to protect the right-wing Finns, is it. I love this country, and the citizens of Finland are my people, rightists or no. At the times when I feel like this country's gone all conservative and being led by fucking right wing extremists and overly rich fucks that have too much money and only pursue to keep as much of it as they can to themselves and to the devil with those poor whiners, I ask myself that if such a situation was to arise that someone threathened this country - including, naturally, them as well - what would I do? And I answer myself that I would go to war for them as well, because it is the right thing to do. You can't serve a country and be selective about its citizens. So, it isn't a problem, really, but... one has to have something to muse about, no?
Phew, what a rant. But I had to get it out of my system or else I'd very soon have done all sorts of nasty things.
Aside from the problems inside my head, there have been other problems outside it that have affected my evening negatively. Like poor Mum. Guess I already mentioned we're doing a mother-daughter trip to southern Finland next week. While in Turku we're going to visit a gentleman - some kind of -path or other - of Grandda's acquaintance, who may be able to do something about Mum's lower back. It's been really bad for the last two weeks - again - to the point that she can't sit nearly at all or stand for longer periods of time. It's really heart-wrenching - so much so that I actually, one late night in the solitude of my bed first cried for at least half an hour, and then actually prayed for her. Me. Yes. And I'm honest. Even more so because Mum's near the strongest person I know, and consequently doesn't complain much about it, even though each of us can see how much in pain she is. She even has a job where she has to mostly stand on her feet, for God's sake. And she absolutely hates to feel incompetent - which makes this all that much more unfair, and awful. The only time I've seen her cry in the space of the last year or so was a week ago when she had to ask me to help her put her plate in the dishwasher, because she couldn't bend, and then she surprised and shocked me by weeping a bit because she felt so useless, having to ask help. It was a dreadful day.
So I seriously hope she'll get some help from Turku. Because if she doesn't, I don't know what I'll do. Probably go into pieces. She doesn't want anyone's pity, but I'm not that good at masking mine; mostly I try to, and then let it all out in the blessed solitude of my bed in the darkness, when everyone else sleeps.
Okay, so. Man was this one in-depth post. Hopefully you're all very well. Continue to take care. I'll update once or twice before D-day; see you.
Love,
- M.
Plus, I'm increasingly nervous. Suppose none of you has to ask why. When it's additionally one of those, these days quite rare, nights when my philosophical side takes over, it's not a pretty sight.
Firstly, I've yet again had to make myself clear on the matter of why, in fact, am I going to the army.
Well, let's get one thing straight at least. No matter what Lempi or some other old clueless hag or some flimsy superficial semi-friend thinks, I'm not going to Kajaani to, like, show off or get fit or get myself a goddamn man. (Or a woman, for that matter - some seem to be doing that, as well.) I'm going there because, well, sure, I want to see where my limits really are, and I'm sure it will be a most educational and hardening experience and help me grow as a person, but also because it's simply a way to give my contribution. Oh, granted, people keep saying that there's no war coming on or anything like that, but mostly, those are the same people that - in my most honest opinion (which I, thankfully, can freely proclaim in here), quite naïvely - think that the (Finnish) army's one and only sole purpose is to teach people how to kill other people. Because, honestly.
Firstly, (semi-)compulsory military service is Finland's only reasonable form of accomplishing national defence - like numerous people more knowledgeable on the matter than myself have said, a mercenary army is not an option for us. Secondly, it's not even near like the army didn't teach anything else than how to kill. Like, what about enduring hard stuff and getting something of a backbone, and knowing something in general about technical stuff, and learning teamwork and multi-tasking, and yes I guess learning some general stuff about weapons as well? I'm ready to leave all guns be and become a peace hippie the moment Lennon's imaginary world comes and everyone else on the planet haven't got any ammo either. Before that happens, I'll be glad to know as much about warfare and protecting what is dear to me as does anyone that's a potential threath to those. So there. Call me a militarist and a brute and a patriot. I am not much any of those; or, maybe as much of the last as the next person.
Not to digress... So, better yet are the people who appeal to my conscience on the matter; "under the imaginary circumstance that a war was to break out, how can you go and actually kill another human being? How can you do it?" First I simply answer, "with my Rk 62, of course," but the serious answer I usually give goes somewhat like this. Naturally I have yet to shoot an actual gun, not to mention getting myself in a situation where I would potentially have to harm someone with it - and heaven forbid I hope I never have to find myself in a spot like that - but I've got a philosophy about it. What I usually say to the people who point out the (far-fetched) prospect of actually having to kill another person - "and think about his (possible) wife and kids, too!" - is this. The reason why I suppose I could take someone's life - and get traumatised, guilty, and damaged as a result - is because that way I'd prevent them from taking the lives of my brothers-in-arms, and their wives and children, and probably the lives of other people I, and the inquirer love in the home front, as well. Put that way, it seems damn fair to me, at least.
Where another problem enter is that I did a political orientation test online. The result was as expected, but it made me think even more than I already had. My head actually hurts... not from the thinking (:D), I suppose, though, but from the... dunno... getting bothered about stuff and all. Because, arrgh. It's the very usual and clichéd "where is this world coming to?" issue. Because where is it coming to, really! It all interlaced with my military musings, and I ended up actually questioning myself: Why do I want go further than most of my gender and age to protect a country that is led by people that I didn't vote for, and that is going toward a direction almost entirely contrary to the direction I would want it to go? Because it is a damn good question. And it's not even the first time the thought has crossed my mind. This is one more reason why I think I was born in the wrong time, but let's not go into that now, or else this will turn out the craziest post since the beginning of time, or LJ.
Well the answer is quite obvious, and I already answered this question earlier, really. I may not like the political state we're in. I may present the almost exactly opposite political opinion than the people that run this country (or run it for the remaining time until 2011). But well, it's not like I'm only going to be trained to protect the right-wing Finns, is it. I love this country, and the citizens of Finland are my people, rightists or no. At the times when I feel like this country's gone all conservative and being led by fucking right wing extremists and overly rich fucks that have too much money and only pursue to keep as much of it as they can to themselves and to the devil with those poor whiners, I ask myself that if such a situation was to arise that someone threathened this country - including, naturally, them as well - what would I do? And I answer myself that I would go to war for them as well, because it is the right thing to do. You can't serve a country and be selective about its citizens. So, it isn't a problem, really, but... one has to have something to muse about, no?
Phew, what a rant. But I had to get it out of my system or else I'd very soon have done all sorts of nasty things.
Aside from the problems inside my head, there have been other problems outside it that have affected my evening negatively. Like poor Mum. Guess I already mentioned we're doing a mother-daughter trip to southern Finland next week. While in Turku we're going to visit a gentleman - some kind of -path or other - of Grandda's acquaintance, who may be able to do something about Mum's lower back. It's been really bad for the last two weeks - again - to the point that she can't sit nearly at all or stand for longer periods of time. It's really heart-wrenching - so much so that I actually, one late night in the solitude of my bed first cried for at least half an hour, and then actually prayed for her. Me. Yes. And I'm honest. Even more so because Mum's near the strongest person I know, and consequently doesn't complain much about it, even though each of us can see how much in pain she is. She even has a job where she has to mostly stand on her feet, for God's sake. And she absolutely hates to feel incompetent - which makes this all that much more unfair, and awful. The only time I've seen her cry in the space of the last year or so was a week ago when she had to ask me to help her put her plate in the dishwasher, because she couldn't bend, and then she surprised and shocked me by weeping a bit because she felt so useless, having to ask help. It was a dreadful day.
So I seriously hope she'll get some help from Turku. Because if she doesn't, I don't know what I'll do. Probably go into pieces. She doesn't want anyone's pity, but I'm not that good at masking mine; mostly I try to, and then let it all out in the blessed solitude of my bed in the darkness, when everyone else sleeps.
Okay, so. Man was this one in-depth post. Hopefully you're all very well. Continue to take care. I'll update once or twice before D-day; see you.
Love,
- M.
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how predictable is this?
Feb. 26th, 2007 | 05:53 pm
listening: Scorpions - Rhythm of love
It's kind of pathetic, but funny, how predictable I am. Or at least I myself can predict my behaviour and mood and... well, the state of my things. Test week is over and, as a shock as it may be to you, life is quite good again. I didn't fail my Chemistry test (which is surprising) and I'm in good terms with people again. Although, there are things that overshadow my newly awoken good mood... as there always is. Firstly, I've been having some toothache which is quite alarming actually. You know, since I consider myself quite experienced when it comes to filling teeth (I've had that drill in my mouth more than ten times, that is), I can tell I should go to dentist's. Which will hurt like hell if, and when, I go to Kaijonharju. Damn.
I have spent some time today with different types of Vaalikone. No matter which one I do, it's Vasemmistoliitto or Keskusta. Or Vihreät sometimes, too. When I did the Nuorten ja Opiskelijoiden Vaalikone one, the second closest to my opinions was - who else? - Keski-Filppula Jukka, my (former) Philosophy teacher! x) (Out of the candidates of the electoral district of Oulu, that is.) Quite surprising, but true. But to be honest, it seems that we agree on most of the questions. Jännää.
On the other hand, KD and Perussuomalaiset were the ones that differ most from my opinions. What ain't surprising, either. (Some of my closest ones may already know what I think about those political parties.)
Okay, so... I'm doing well again, hope that you're, too. Take care. (And comment! I haven't heard of some of you for such a long time or just so little I'm getting worried.)
So long, guys.
I have spent some time today with different types of Vaalikone. No matter which one I do, it's Vasemmistoliitto or Keskusta. Or Vihreät sometimes, too. When I did the Nuorten ja Opiskelijoiden Vaalikone one, the second closest to my opinions was - who else? - Keski-Filppula Jukka, my (former) Philosophy teacher! x) (Out of the candidates of the electoral district of Oulu, that is.) Quite surprising, but true. But to be honest, it seems that we agree on most of the questions. Jännää.
On the other hand, KD and Perussuomalaiset were the ones that differ most from my opinions. What ain't surprising, either. (Some of my closest ones may already know what I think about those political parties.)
Okay, so... I'm doing well again, hope that you're, too. Take care. (And comment! I haven't heard of some of you for such a long time or just so little I'm getting worried.)
So long, guys.